Mother's Day Musings: Mothering In The Eye Of The Storm
Life has been lifeing, y’all — so I’m sorry I haven’t taken time to write on The BSM as much as I’d like to.
And there’s a lot to share.
How about Little Magician writing a letter to her teacher to push back against a consequence she received at school for an infraction she said she didn’t commit? And how about Lil Bird proving herself to be QUITE the ham and entertainer when she’s in the mood? These babies of mine are strong, smart, silly, and sweet — all in ways that are so much purer than I. They challenge me every day, sometimes testing my patience while simultaneously testing my purpose. In their eyes, what am I here for? How do I show up for them? How can I be as bold as Little Magician? How can I be as present as Lil Bird? They make me want to be better, always.
This Mother’s Day comes at a time where I’m figuring out a lot of things. So much seems to be in a stormy state of upheaval, but my babies sit in the eye of it all, unaware of the chaos I’m navigating. While winds blow and rains pour, I know my girls have the instinctive expectation of stability, and I need to be able to provide that for them.
I once wrote a piece about self-care and stated that we should not invest in caring for self simply because it allows us to better care for others. We alone are good enough reasons to practice self-care, and I still maintain that. Right now though, I find solace and peace in being the best mom I can be for these two incredible little people — and being that “best mom” requires me to do some serious work on myself.
That work looks like:
keeping my personal and parenting frustrations separate, and finding healthy ways to manage both.
making time for myself so that I’m not constantly caring for them from a place of lack, depletion, or where I’m running on fumes.
being unapologetic about the ways my motherhood intersect with my work and creativity — they’re part of my package, so whether I need to raise my speaking rates to cover childcare costs or have a little one tag along, for example, it is what it is.
I consider this my public record of a commitment to improvement. My Mother’s Day gift to myself, and thus to my babies, is to do a much better job of honouring myself. I can’t do much about the things brewing and stewing around us, but I can control who I know myself to be, and who I can be for my children. When the storms melt away, I want to step into the sunshine as the best version of myself yet — and I can’t wait for my babies to benefit from everything she has to offer them.
Happy Mother’s Day to all who mother, and love to those who find the day difficult or complicated. May society start to do a better job of recognizing and honouring the very specific and dynamic labour of motherhood, and may those of us carrying hurt find paths to healing. Our babies deserve it, and so do we.